I Have Amnesia, Don’t Be Noisy! Chapter 60

Chapter 60: Fanservice[1]

As a television station that was formed through a joint venture, Shengshi’s lower limit when carrying out programs was relatively relaxed; a few topics could also be brought up for discussion. For instance, Chu Qin effortlessly brought up the recent trending ‘Mu Qiao CP’ as a joke.

“Empress’ bow was on-point, exactly the same as your bow to Heaven and Earth,” Chu Qin said seriously. He took out a red silk flower bouquet[2] and placed it between the two people. “Come, each of you take one side, then your love will reach the ends of the world.”

Qiao Su couldn’t resist cracking up and it was unknown if it was due to the red silk fabric reflecting off his face or his bashfulness, but his face was a little flushed. Even then, he still cooperatively carried one end of the red fabric.

“This is called Xi Chou and was more commonly seen in wedding ceremonies during the olden times. It was also called Holding Hands as the bride needed someone to lead her since her face was covered up, preventing her from seeing the route clearly. But having just gotten married, the two newly-weds may not have seen it before, so the red silk must be placed in the middle,” Chu Qin gave a detailed introduction and let the two people sit back down.

Qiao Su wanted to place the red silk back but it appeared to have slipped Mu Chen’s mind, and he continue to hold onto it. Only when the two people were seated did he appear to realize and very naturally place it between the two people. On camera, this scene appeared especially festive, akin to newly-weds who had just tied the knot.

When this was broadcasted, the smitten fangirls in front of the TV couldn’t resist exclaiming and editing out the section to post online. The two people were attired in appropriate suits and a large red flower was placed between them. If there was the symbol for double happiness[3], everything would be perfect.

[The higher-ups are giving out candy[4] ah ah ah ah]

[This candy arrived without warning. Wait a moment, let me swallow yet another mouth of dog food]

“It’s fine if you just give a small demonstration, are you really planning on kneeling to Heaven and Earth!” Chu Qin moodily pointed to the large red flower by Mu Chen’s side. “You want to make a fake play real?”

Right at this moment, the person in charge of special-effects froze the screen. He added a red frame around the scene of the two people and the large red flower, wrote out a huge double happiness symbol and added red-blush circles over the two people’s faces. On top of that, Suona[5] music was set as accompaniment.

Qiao Su’s experience in entertainment programs was insufficient and he didn’t quite know how to handle such sudden outbursts. Thus, he couldn’t continue Chu Qin’s words. On the other hand, Mu Chen was very calm. “Aiya, you caught us. Originally, I wanted to bring it home to decorate the house…”

A worker sporting a baseball cap swiftly stepped onto the stage and expressionlessly took away the large red flower. He left the camera with only a silhouette of someone wearing a cap, his skill at concealment laudable.

“You want to use this to decorate the house?” Chu Qin stared at him with wide eyes. “You don’t even have a girlfriend.”

“I have Gu Gu!” Mu Chen expressed happily. Gu Gu was his family’s golden retriever who made frequent appearances on Mu Chen’s Weibo. It could be considered a famous online dog.

The person in charge of special effects typed out Gu Gu’s name and paired it with a lecherous smile. Then, Mu Chen’s words were replayed thrice. “I have Gu Gu… have Gu Gu… Gu Gu…”

Just as the audience misunderstood his words, Gu Gu’s golden retriever photo was shown. His picture was placed together with Mu Chen’s and a large red flower was placed between them. They tried very hard to prove that those who misunderstood did so certainly because their thoughts were too impure.

“The Great Yu dynasty also used this, but there wasn’t any need to cover the face.” After the large red flower was taken away, Qiao Su acted according to the script and started talking about the Great Yu’s social customs.

The Great Yu was a very open-minded dynasty in history. If not, the shocking existence of a male empress would not have appeared. The status of females during the Great Yu dynasty were much higher compared to other dynasties. Females were allowed to reveal their faces on the streets and could do business outside. They could even become a female official in the palace. When taking a wife, if the bride didn’t wish to cover her head, she could kneel to the Heavens and Earth along with the groom, with her head high and chest out.

The screen displayed the scene of the empress’ marriage in <The Golden Age of the Great Jing>. Due to the immense investment in this film, the props and clothing were all exquisite. The etiquette was also fully consistent with the Great Yu’s social customs. Qiao Su was dressed in a gold-splattered crimson ceremonial attire with wide sleeves, with a golden-winged phoenix crown on his head. His complexion was clear and cold as he walked down the jade stairs, moving ahead to receive the emperor.

After that, the three people started engaging in deep discussion about the wedding’s process.

“I heard that the production team specially invited an etiquette teacher to teach you guys during the filming process. Is that true?’ Chu Qin started promoting the TV drama in a timely manner.

“There were three etiquette teachers and they were all scholars who were especially knowledgeable of the Great Yu’s history. The etiquette teachers would stare at us during filming; if the movements weren’t accurate, we would need to start over. When it wasn’t our turn to film, we still needed to attend the etiquette teachers’ lessons.” Qiao Su said in a pained manner. He did those movements too often, to the extent that he felt the urge to cup his hands and bow in greeting for a long time even after filming was completed.

“Just the act of paying respects along is divided into many different types, such as Ji, Xiong, Su and Kong Shou. All of them are vastly different from one another and I always got them mixed up at the start. The etiquette teacher was very anxious with me.” Mu Chen said as he smiled.

“It was mainly due to Chen-ge’s inability to differentiate between left and right. When the teacher said that the left hand is on the outside and right hand on the inside, Chen-ge would stare blankly and ask which one the left hand was.” Qiao Su followed along and teased him.

Mu Chen pretended to be angry and glared at him. “This is a program recording, don’t keep telling the truth, I still have an image to uphold.” Then, he dragged Qiao Su over, who still wanted to continue talking and vigorously rubbed his head.

Qiao Su fell into a daze after having been dragged over by Mu Chen and only raised his head with some awareness after having had his head rubbed. “Chen-ge, you… messed up my hairdo.”

At his seat, Chu Qin laughed so hard that he almost fell down. He let those two people continue to make a din and proceeded to talk about Mu Chen’s awkward moments. Mu Chen was naturally left-handed but when he was small, his family insisted that he use his right hand as it was said that the right hand was for using chopsticks. He could thus use both hands, causing him to be unable to differentiate between left and right since young.

This week’s program recording went very smoothly. Since the discussion was heavily based on the social customs in the past and present, Qiao Su was given some time to display his ability with the pipes. This was because, according to history, empress Duanhui was an expert at playing the pipes. According to the legends, the sound of his playing could attract phoenixes. This was what caused emperor Jingyuan to decide that he was the empress mandated by the Heavens and consequently, his insistence on marrying him.

Of course, that was according to the legends. However, if one wanted to act as empress Duanhui then one naturally needed to play the pipes as well.

The musical performances in TV dramas were often poor in quality – many Guqin and Guzheng were held the wrong way and the sounds produced by the actors weren’t very far off from killing chickens.

“Come, Qiao Su will play a part from Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,” Chu Qin passed a jade pipe to him.

Qiao Su smiled, placed the pipe to his mouth and really played a part from Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. The sound was fluid and mellow, without any hint of killing chickens. On the contrary, it sounded very pleasant.

This drama’s requirements were very strict. The producer Song Xiao couldn’t stand the slightest mistake from the actors playing the instruments and requested for Qiao Su to learn how to play the pipes from a music teacher. After learning for a week, he did indeed learn how to play the song. At the very least, he wouldn’t look too bad when performing.

“Did you really play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star on set?” Chu Qin struggled to suppress his laughter and got the both of them to perform a classic scene from <The Golden Age of the Great Jing> – ‘Playing of the pipes to recollect the Begonias’.

Qiao Su played Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in deadly earnest while Mu Chen held a paper fan and sat at the side in an enchanted state. Following the melody of ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star’, Mu Chen used a deep, melodious voice to say, “This tune ought to only exist in the Heavens, Earth can only hear it occasionally.”

“Hahahahaha…” The audience in front of the television laughed till tears were about to stream down their cheeks.

This week’s ratings broke Lollipop’s record since the beginning of its history. Because the Mu Qiao CP were giving out candy, the smitten fangirls had looked forward to this week since a long time ago. Not only did they broadcast it live but they watched it another time when it was re-broadcast. The number of hits online also reached an unprecedented number.

Chen Jiming looked at the ratings report from the station in jealousy. The ratings of his talk show had very low ratings since the start and only showed some signs of rising after he took over. If Confusion and Lollipop were handed over to him, he would definitely not lose to Chu Qin.

Chu Qin was listening to what the station chief at the front was saying, but his eyes were averted towards Chen Jiming, who was opposite him at the meeting table. Noticing his attempt to conceal his expression to no avail, his lips hooked up slightly. It was good for youths to have ambition but if one had high standards but little ability, and only knew how to be envious of others, then it wasn’t so good.

After the meeting ended, station chief Zhang stayed behind on his own to chat with Chu Qin. He expressed that he would like Chen Jiming to also go up to host during this National Day party and hoped that Chu Qin would guide him.

“The National Day party isn’t the same as the Spring Festival party. The scale is so small. Allocating two male and two female hosts would be too much, it would look bad.” Chu Qin looked down, seemingly in deep thought.

Station chief Zhang was somewhat anxious. Lately, Zhong Yibin’s intentions towards Chu Qin were essentially akin to publicizing their relationship. He had even specially beat him down before. If Chu Qin didn’t relent on this matter, he would also not be able to forcibly stuff Chen Jiming in.

“Let’s have this then, let Chen Jiming go up. I won’t go up.” Chu Qin looked at station chief Zhang’s appearance of wanting to say something and raised a hand to stop him. “I’ve already hosted parties for so many years, it’s also time for new blood to temper themselves.”

Chu Qin’s words were reasonable and his attitude resolute. Hence, the matter was decided just like this. However, station chief Zhang felt even more despondent. Chen Jiming had no experience, and given that he was suddenly asked to host such a large scale party, he would most assuredly make mistakes. Thus, he could only call over Lin Xiaoxiao and arrange for her to look over him a little on stage.

When Chu Qin walked out of the television station, he noticed Zhong Yibin, who had come over to fetch him. Zhong Yibin’s expression was somewhat odd and he was looking down at his phone.

“What are you looking at?” Chu Qin clutched his shoulder and stretched over to look.

“Yu Tang that guy actually posted this.” Zhong Yibin passed his handphone over to him. Yu Tang, who had been certified as the director of Big Fish Group’s greater China branch, had posted a photo on his Weibo. In the photo, Yu Tang was dressed in ancient clothing and seated on an arched bridge. His hand was stretched out, clasping another hand. That other hand was wearing a ring identical to the one on Song Xiao’s hand.

The netizens had already realized who the ring’s mysterious owner was. After all, Song Xiao had used the hand wearing this ring to reveal the new drama.

Yu Tang and Song Xiao looked like history’s emperor Jingyuan and empress Duanhui. At the start, because <The Golden Age of the Great Jing> had been trending on broadcast, the pair had received a high level of scrutiny and now, they actually posted such a photo. The more astonishing thing was that the netizens all expressed ‘ah ah ah’ views of excitement, yet not a single person stepped up to say that it was bad.

“Yu Tang’s goal of purchasing Old Waves was this.” Zhong Yibin was deeply moved.

Chu Qin was very surprised, were these two people going to come out of the closet? For the sake of coming out of the closet, Old Waves was purchased. This was all to prevent Song Xiao from seeing a single statement of negativity.

“Babe, let’s make our relationship public too!” Zhong Yibin seemed to have made some sort of resolution. He suddenly grasped Chu Qin’s hands and said with a determined expression.

The author has something to say:

Small theater: <Only the Heavens ought to have this tune>

Little Qiao: Twinkle, twinkle little star

Mu Chen: So nice to listen to aoaoao[6]

Qin Qin: Twinkle, twinkle little star

Er Bing: Not nice to listen to

Qin Qin: … Can’t you learn from Mu Chen, you really don’t know how to be eloquent

Er Bing: It’ll sound nice after changing the tune, sing Tante[7]

Qin Qin: I don’t know how to

Er Bing: I’ll teach you

Qin Qin: Ah~wu! Ah~wu ah…

Er Bing: So nice to listen to aoaoao

[1] 发糖: Refers to sweet scenes between a couple, more commonly known in our slang as ‘dog food’. For a moment, I really considered putting that as the title, but I decided it wouldn’t be very appropriate… I couldn’t think of an equivalent English term and fanservice was the closest I could come up with, so it’ll have to do~

[2] 红绸挽的花球:A type of decorative item commonly seen at weddings. It looks like this:

Image result for 红绸挽的花球

[3] The symbol for double happiness is 囍. The reason why it’s called double happiness is because it looks like two 喜 characters together, and the character on its own stands for happiness.

[4] Even though I use the term candy here literally, it’s so that the meaning is more explicit like the raws suggest. I thought about using fanservice because that’s what the title is translated as, but certain phrases just wouldn’t come through the same way unless candy is used so that’s what I went with.

[5] A Chinese double-reeded horn, typically used in traditional festivals and processions:

Image result for suona

[6] Onomatopeia for clamoring/wailing

[7] 忐忑: Literal translation is Uneasy. It’s a fast-paced wordless fusion song by Gong Linna, using various standard voices from Chinese opera along with imitations of traditional Chinese instruments

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